loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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