he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
