I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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