You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
