You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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