Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize