She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
