i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I deserve this hangover.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
