I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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