I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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