i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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