pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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