You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
