I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
