doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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