Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
