so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize