oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
