Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize