found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
