You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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