There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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