Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
