A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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