We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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