we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
