Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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