she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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