I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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