Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
