ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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