I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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