I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
