Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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