Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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