No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
