This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
