dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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