It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
