Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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