we're blogging at a bar
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
