You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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