Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
