He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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