Your face is a jimmy john
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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