god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize