yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
