I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize