Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
