That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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