Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
