Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
