I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
