Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
