Already got asked if we're dating
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Rumble strips road head = magical
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
