Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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