Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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