life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
