i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize