By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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