this boner is exhausting
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
