I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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