Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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